Tips For Your Trip To The Gyno

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1. Don’t sweat it

As a person who tends to overanalyze everything (including my first visit), I feel like I can tell you it’s not as terrible as some make it seem.  Don’t be intimated when you’re in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women/new mothers, whose water may have broken on the chair you’re sitting on.  Take a deep breath and remember, you have the same equipment so you belong there!

*Plus if you get nervous, you’re gonna sweat–which will lead to wet marks on the crinky tissue paper AND THEN it’s just going to stick to your butt when you have to wiggle down on the table…so again, breathe and know that you can do this.

2.  Have a warrior name

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Just like Mindy Lahiri’s “Beyonce’ Pad Thai”, it may be useful for you to have a name where you can draw power from.

Simply take a woman’s name you admire and add a type of food you like to the end.

For example, mine is Elaine Stritch Chicken Parm Sub.

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QUEEN

3. Don’t waste time worrying about undergarments

For my first trip, I was really concerned with what type of underwear to wear. Thong… too flashy?  Briefs…to obvious that I’m trying to play it coy? I think I settled on a respectful cotton bikini but wear a thong or no underwear at all because once you get in that room, you’re undressing from the waist down.

*Side topic: To socks or to not socks?

Usually, I take my socks off before putting my feet in the stirrups in fear of the aroma they give off (and that I’m usually wearing two different kinds)  But just because my life is a mess doesn’t mean you should feel weird about keeping yours on. If you’re cold, keep em’ and if not, lose em’. Or whatever, I’m not the boss of your life.

4. Look great on top

Knowing your bottom half will be bare, you might want to sport something eye catching on top.  Personally, the 40-year old woman in me likes to wear big statement necklaces so I can make my “Hey Doc, eyes up here” jokes.

So…ladies of New York, FROST YOURSELVES

aka ACCESSORIZE ACCESSORIZE

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5. Hydration is key

Despite my frequent trips to doctors offices, I have yet to master the art of pee-cup samples.  I’m either grossly dehydrated or can barely squeeze anything out.  So to avoid a shameful urine samples, drink some water before your appointment.

6. Grooming down there

HAHAHHAHAHAH JK WHO CARES??????!!!!

Unless you have a crush on your gynecologist and wanna carve his/her initials into your pubes, it really doesn’t matter what you got going on down there.

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Overall ladies, feel comfortable to be honest with your doctor and just remember that warrior name.

And when in doubt, say a quick prayer while looking at this and you’ll be fine.

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Trust me.

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