Feeling a little down lately? Not even Nora Ephron’s, “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim”, helping your situation?
Damn, you’re screwed. JUST KIDDING LOL
Sometimes not even Nora can restore my full loveliness, so here are a few little pick-me-ups that I use to get my self-worth SKYROCKETING.
1. Listen to power jams from Queen B:
1. Best Thing I Never Had
2. Why Don’t You Love me?
3. Resentment
4. Irreplaceable
5. Me, Myself And I
Tip: Aggressively pound your chest like a scorned lover while singing these songs. If you need help, watch Resentment for some moves.
2. Take tasteful nudes of yourself
WHATTT CONTROVERSIAL! I know some of you are like, “Meghan, what are you thinking?? Have you been looking at Rihanna’s Instagram too much?” And yes, I have but hear me out. I’m not saying you need to keep or distribute these pics. They’re more for your own viewing pleasure. I’m a firm believer in that we all are these beautiful vessels that should be celebrated! (Sure that doesn’t mean said celebrating must be done by taking picture—but what I’m saying is, appreciate your body)
3. Work out
Sweating + work out fantasies= feeling good ( plus now you have a good excuse to eat pizza again)
4. Write out your feelings
Burn it, eat it, toss it or keep it. I don’t care but write it.
5. Drink
Now I’m not promoting like extreme EXTREME over-indulging in booze, but if you’re of age, why not have a few bottles of wine with friends or by your lonesome. Plz watch below video for inspiration.
6. Eat
Treat yourself to a donut or a box of Cheeze-Its. WHATEVER YOU WANT
7. Spread love to someone else
Now this may seem like a selfless thing, but lets be real, it’s more of selfish thing. (but still a good thing, right? Idk- this topic would make for a great 8th grade Pro-Con essay) Anyway, go visit your grandma or let a pregnant woman pee before you. It doesn’t really matter what you choose to do, just make sure you’re giving a little love to someone else. Go get your martyr complex on!
Look how cute my Mom-Mom is with her pizza.
Hope these tips help! : )
(Also if none of this helps, just click this link)
Hey guys, it’s me, Meghan, that girl who’s been annoying you for the past few months. Yeah, no look I’m really sorry for being such an asshat lately with my constant rehashing of the boy drama in my life. From texts of screenshots asking, “WHAT SHOULD I SAY???HELLP ME PLEASE!!” to “I mean, why would he view my snapchats if he doesn’t want to talk to me??”, I’m really sorry. So very sorry.
It’s strange because I was aware of how awful I was being but for some reason I just couldn’t keep my word vomit down. But thankfully, I think I finally know why I’ve been such a pest lately. These past couple of months have been a little rough for me, my grandpa passed away on the day I got my tonsils removed (which gave me pneumonia, WHICH didn’t allow me to go to any of his services, W H I C H resulted in me not grieving properly, yeah I’m still slightly biter) and all the while I was out of school early unlike all my friends. I was in search of something (or someone) to push away my feelings of sadness, anger and anxiety, so in result, I clung onto a shitty romantic fantasy. I’m so tired of talking about it so I can’t even imagine how sick you guys are of hearing about it. (but if you wanna talk about it some more, I’m totally down. But you shouldn’t, STOP TEMPTING ME GUYS)
I guess this is my way of saying, I’m sorry and I promise to stop talking about it. Or well, I’m going to try really really hard not to. But more importantly, I promise to myself that I’m going to make peace with the past.
I’m finally ready to move forward. I’m ready to focus more on myself. I’m ready to give my love to people who not only I hold close, but to those who also hold me close.
I must admit that I’m pretty fucking scared to embark on this new chapter in my life, but I’m also really excited to flounder about. It’s finally time to pour my energy into people and things that are worth my time.
^^Pretty much about sums it up.
Also, is this a bad time to tell you guys how I just met my future husband at the Apple Genius bar??
Yesterday was just like any other day as I aggressively scrolled through Instagram’s feed of #weddingdress and #engagementrings, until I came across a picture of a woman wearing the shirt below. My immediate reaction was an eye roll comparable to one of Liz Lemon’s and then anger. A lot of anger. Being a person who enjoys working out (and squatting for that matter), I was surprised how I responded after seeing this shirt. At first, I tried to dismiss my feelings, thinking this shirt could have been meant as a harmless gift from a bridesmaid, or maybe even the future bride bought it for herself as motivation. But it was when I was followed by a body wrap account (who probably noticed by wedding activity on Instagram), I realized that I’m not ok with the weight loss culture that surrounds weddings. And of course, that’s not to say I’m ok with other ones, it’s just I’ve never knew of this world that was full of shirts reading things like “sweating for the wedding”.
As a person who has struggled with their body image for years, it’s really disheartening to see that this bullshit even engulfs such a meaningful day. When a bride makes the hard decision to lose weight for her wedding, it should be for herself. Her decision shouldn’t be made because loved ones and the media are pressuring her to do so. After all, it is your day so you should be doing you.
And yes, these Instagram and Pinterest accounts can offer encouragement but they can also quickly lose their innocence and create murky environments for future brides. It’s important to remember a bride is just a person–and should be a happy and healthy one at that. Maybe because I’m 22 years old and currently have 0 romantic prospects it makes it easier for me to feel this way. But if/when the time comes for me to get married, I hope I’ll look like a bad bitch, who got there on her terms. So as of now, I am saying goodbye to wedding weight loss pressures and I hope you guys do to.
I had some trouble working out my feelings on this topic because I know it’s a small piece to a much larger issue but I’m curious as to what other people’s thoughts are on it.
As a person who tends to overanalyze everything (including my first visit), I feel like I can tell you it’s not as terrible as some make it seem. Don’t be intimated when you’re in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women/new mothers, whose water may have broken on the chair you’re sitting on. Take a deep breath and remember, you have the same equipment so you belong there!
*Plus if you get nervous, you’re gonna sweat–which will lead to wet marks on the crinky tissue paper AND THEN it’s just going to stick to your butt when you have to wiggle down on the table…so again, breathe and know that you can do this.
2. Have a warrior name
Just like Mindy Lahiri’s “Beyonce’ Pad Thai”, it may be useful for you to have a name where you can draw power from.
Simply take a woman’s name you admire and add a type of food you like to the end.
For example, mine is Elaine Stritch Chicken Parm Sub.
QUEEN
3. Don’t waste time worrying about undergarments
For my first trip, I was really concerned with what type of underwear to wear. Thong… too flashy? Briefs…to obvious that I’m trying to play it coy? I think I settled on a respectful cotton bikini but wear a thong or no underwear at all because once you get in that room, you’re undressing from the waist down.
*Side topic: To socks or to not socks?
Usually, I take my socks off before putting my feet in the stirrups in fear of the aroma they give off (and that I’m usually wearing two different kinds) But just because my life is a mess doesn’t mean you should feel weird about keeping yours on. If you’re cold, keep em’ and if not, lose em’. Or whatever, I’m not the boss of your life.
4. Look great on top
Knowing your bottom half will be bare, you might want to sport something eye catching on top. Personally, the 40-year old woman in me likes to wear big statement necklaces so I can make my “Hey Doc, eyes up here” jokes.
So…ladies of New York, FROST YOURSELVES
aka ACCESSORIZE ACCESSORIZE
5. Hydration is key
Despite my frequent trips to doctors offices, I have yet to master the art of pee-cup samples. I’m either grossly dehydrated or can barely squeeze anything out. So to avoid a shameful urine samples, drink some water before your appointment.
6. Grooming down there
HAHAHHAHAHAH JK WHO CARES??????!!!!
Unless you have a crush on your gynecologist and wanna carve his/her initials into your pubes, it really doesn’t matter what you got going on down there.
—–
Overall ladies, feel comfortable to be honest with your doctor and just remember that warrior name.
And when in doubt, say a quick prayer while looking at this and you’ll be fine.
Supposedly, WordPress is very plagiarism conscious so because I wrote my entry in word and refuse to re-type it yall are just gonna have to click on the link to read my post.
RUPERT GRINT/RON WEASLEY! (oh yeah I’ll be diving into both)
Yeah, I know some of you are like “Whattt Meghan another ginger? Girl you must be trippin!’ Well, ladies I am FO REAL! Gingers are a hot commodity because soon they will be extinct! Hopefully, it doesn’t start a Children of Men-esq thing but if you happen to reproduce with him, some might say you’re saving the world!
Grint demonstrated his lady skills at the ripe age of 11 by winning over the casting directors of Harry Potter by his rapping skills! Yeah girl, he can serenade you with a rap. Mine would go something like this, “I ain’t not pagan but I’d worship me some Meghan” Unfortunately, when this little ginger snap first graced the screen, we were a little more enchanted with his captain, Mr. Potter. But I think we all have come to the realization that Harry has no game! Those smooches between him and Ginny are so weak! Rupert/Ron showed us that he is quite the comedian in and outside of Hogwarts. I mean, can you think of a better line than “Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, Turn this stupid, fat rat yellow.” ? If you could, you should keep in mind he says all of this in a British accent! Ladies go crazy for a British accent. Just imagine this sexy man referring to your knickers. (thumpidy thump thump) oOh what’s that? Oh yes, that is your heartbeat getting faster. But you have got to relax because we are only getting started.
This picture should have calmed you down. Or you may be into that kind of stuff. Anyway, we love a guy who loves to eat/ appreciate sweets. Ron Weasley is known for his sweet tooth. Plus girls need a guy who eats a lot of snacks becuase then we don’t feel bad about eating so much! Now, I’m not saying we love a heavy set guy who chills out on the couch with one hand in his pants and the other in the popcorn bowl, but we love a guy who would be like “Hey, you look like you need a sundae, my treat babe.” And for you lazy girls who can’t even be bothered to go out and get your ice cream with your beau, no worries because Rupert Grint purchased an ice cream truck!
Yeah, your froyo date is just a couple steps away from the front door.
Plus, he also seems like a really nice guy who would probably just walk to the ice cream place for your sluggish arse anyway. Some of you may even think that Rupert Grint isn’t physically attractive due to his pale skin and not being chiseled to core, but you ladies need to appreciate all kinds of beauty. For those of you who have seen the recent Harry Potter movie you know the scene in which Rupert removes his shirt, we all noticed that he has a little meat to him and we loved that! (We were also wondering if Emma was going to remove her shirt but that’s for a whole other discussion) Some of you may disagree with me and will only settle for a man who does ab riperX every day, but hey maybe a little arm porn will get your fancy?
Cha Ching, I just purchased two tickets to the gun show.
And if arms or the lack of undefined abs doesn’t get your engines revving then let’s take notice to his beautiful eyes. There is really nothing better than a ginger with blue eyes, it’s really just stunning. Moving on to my last favorite part of Rupert Grint’s anatomy are his lips. Now, I’m not really a lip girl and I don’t really know any lip women to begin with but, after watching Grint utter British sounding words off those smackers rocked my lipworld.
Just gaze into that smolder. It hurts so good.
Moving on from his physical attributes, let’s delve a little into his personality. He’s the jealous type! Now, not all men know how to perfect the hotness of jealousy, some don’t care at all and well that’s just boring and others are way to cray cray when it comes to it. But somehow Rupert/Ron has managed to perfect the art of jealously. From Krum to Harry, Rupert always lets his woman know what’s up! Check it out in this clip–
Even though the horcrux might have triggered this jealousy spell, he was still super fine having his little freakout.
Rupert also happens to have arachnophobia just like his character Ron. I know we will all eat up his little squeals from spiders just like we did from the movies. Also, no lady should have a problem with being the bigger man for a hot sec when it comes to disposing a spider for Rupert. Us, Lady Boners, like guy who can admit their fears. So, despite your squeals, you assert your bravery at other moments, we tip our hats off to you Mr. Grint.
Rupert Grint is also a spokesperson for Make Mine Milk. Though, the latest Harry Potter mislead viewers into thinking Grint will look like a fat hideous man in 20 years, I know the truth. This man will have no hunchback or brittle bones! Oh, what could be better than to not listen to your old partner bitch about all of his aches and pains. Instead, he will have to listen to me because I refuse to consume milk, unless cookies or cereal are involved. He seems like the listening type so he will love to hear me whine. Lastly, Rupert is a pretty great guy. He donates a lot of money and time to various charities. Also fame and success seems to have not gone to his head. Everyone loves a very successful yet, humble guy. These qualities make him seem even attainable to the normal girl. So, like many of you, I wait for that day when Rupert and I meet at an ice cream shop where we stuff our faces, maybe it will be love,or perhaps disgust. (Hopefully the former) Even if we don’t get to sample a little orange in our life, I believe we will all still cherish his portray of Ronald Weasley for the rest of our lives.
HONORABLE MENTION
I really can’t end this post without even mentioning the truly magical transformation of Matthew Lewis aka Neville Longbottom.
Neville always received the poop end of the stick. His quote of “why is it always me?” defined his character until his glorifying moment at the end of the series. I have always had a special place in my heart for Neville, but it was never for his hypnotizing good looks. I enjoyed his goofy character especially in the fourth movie when he got to show off his dancing skills—
As the movies went on, his character progressed to be stronger.(and more attractive) But shock waves were sent around the world when everyone saw Matthew Lewis at the premier for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two.
I know all of you are all “WHAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTT OH MY GODDDD THAT CAN’T BE NEVILLE” because that’s exactly how I reacted when I saw this recent picture. I mean, the guy is carrying a pocket watch for christ sakes. And those teeth!! Lewis is obviously having the last laugh because no guy carries a pocket watch like that without knowing he’s smoking. I’m mad at myself for not keeping my options open for this one, but I can say I have learned a valuable lesson to keep in mind that some men just age fine like wine.
No one doesn’t love a good underdog story but it’s even better when the loser comes out of it so damn fine. Thank you Matt for giving us a delicious surprise. NEVILLE FOR LIFE!
Sorry things have been a little slow here, I was on vacation last week and things got a little crazy at the Radespiel residence this weekend. But I’ll be sure to do a Lady Boner of the Week at some point and possibly even a Guygasm. Who knows what the future holds. Anyway, here’s a musical snack for the meantime—
This is Laura Marling, she’s only twenty one. Most of her music is folk and she is hauntingly beautiful. Give her a listen.
Well ladies it’s that time of week again, so shrug off a couple of layers of clothes and grab a fan because this is going to be a steamy one.
Now without further adieu, I introduce to you the one, the only,
Mr. Ryan Gosling.
This bundle of hotness was born November 12th, 1980 in Ontario, Canada. (Woahhh he’s Canadian, so international)
This gorgeous gentleman first graced the stage at the ripe age of twelve kickin’ it with Timberlake, Spears and Aguilera on The Mickey Mouse Club.
Being on the Mickey Mouse Club, makes him a triple threat. Though he can actually sing, dance and act; unlike some of his cast member on the show. He had his first real success when he played the role of Alan in Remember the Titans. But I know that most of us fans know him from the romantic classic, The Notebook.
This movie is a staple in every girl’s romantic life. When this movie came out, many of my peer’s and myself didn’t really know much about love. Thankfully, it gave us all an unrealistic version we will never be able to obtain. So really, every time we think of love and our love life we will consciously of subconsciously think of this movie and of how we wish for a man like Noah. Bam, yeah just dropped some knowledge on you. Now, hopefully some of us have matured and realized that we are not going to find a hot carpenter to build us a house. But hey, sometimes nothing beats imaging it was Noah, who wrote to you every day for a year, and that it’s not over between you two and it still isn’t over and then you two make out in the rain. See, I told you that fan was needed.
Ryan’s career took off after the Notebook. He received an Academy Award nomination from his role in Half Nelson (I highly recommend this movie btw) He also had superb performances in Lars and the Real Girl, Blue Valentine (WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FOR, Double ugh) and All Good Things. Ryan Gosling also happens to be a very talented musician. He has a band called the Dead Man’s Bones, which is semi-indie folk/rock/choir.
Boss.
He loves to strum on the guitar and ukelele! In this clip you can watch him play and sing “You always hurt the ones you love” on Kimmel—
Swoon!
Ryan also is quite the animal lover. In this picture below, he is carrying his dog George in the airport so his pretty little paws don’t get hurt on the escalator. I wonder if he would do the same for me…
Mr. Gosling has a great sense of style, which is always much appreciated by the ladies. From his facial hair to his shoes, that man has always got it going on.
Are you digging these green pants as much as I am?
See, great facial hair and shoes! And the leather jacket and glasses, we get both the bad boy and the oh-so-studious guy all at once! GASP
Ryan also adorns his body with a couple of pretty cool tattoos, take notes boys (very doubtful that any men have read this, and if you’ve even made it this far,I’m impressed)
On his left shoulder you can kind of see his tattoo of the cover of The Giving Tree. Yes, The Giving Tree. So deep, right? Just imagining a pensive Gosling questioning life and the selfishness of the boy in the story gives us a LITERATURE LADY BONER! I believe he also adorns a tattoo of a bar on one of his wrists and a claw on one of his arms. Gosling was once quoted “A tattoo should never be meaningful,” he explains, “because at a certain point you’re going to hate it, and it might as well make you laugh.”
Another thing that makes our lady boner go sha-swing are motorcycles. And guess what, Ryan is a hog rider. I know just when you thought he couldn’t get any better, he does! All of that power between those man thighs (maybe I shouldn’t be writing this at 2 in the morning if I’m using man thighs) Some girls even let their imagination drift to thinking that her and Ryan could have cute matching helmets for when they go on rides together, with the wind in their hair. Though motorcycles do make me a little nervous, I think we can all agree that we watch him do a couple of laps around the block on it, because he just looks too good on it to pass up the opportunity.
Another thing Ryan loves to do, is playing in the rain. He did it in the Notebook and this lovely picture below. Lady Boners of the World love a man who looks good in the rain.
For more juiciness of this man, you can check out his upcoming movie Crazy, Stupid Love (also stars Steve Carell, possibly a future lady boner and Emma Stone a possible Guy Boner/Girl Crush) which debuts his fabulous abs on July 29th.
You’ll see it now, you filthy women.
Also check out the hilarious website called Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling, http://fuckyeahryangosling.tumblr.com/. It has all sorts of charming pictures like the one below.
He’s such a great listener, Sigh.
Until next week, this has been Meghan, correspondent of the Lady Boner of the Week, over and out.
Nope. 